Anglofuturism: The tropical planet Nelson is a jewel in Britain’s Galactic Empire and home to Spaceport Cromwell, a short shuttle from which lies ‘Space Club Tropical Excellent Rhodes Retreat’, an exclusive retreat where Royal Space Navy Officers unwind between deep space voyages pic.twitter.com/BdIGWMtJvM

— 🚮 ɖʀʊӄքǟ ӄʊռʟɛʏ 🇧🇹🇹🇩 (@kunley_drukpa) November 28, 2021

Lost in Spice

The Bad

The characters mumble. Not much of the book's "poetry" has survived. And in fact the film generally is altogether so artsy that a lot of it is literally too dark, too blurry, too indistinct and, quite simply, too cool.*

Conversely all the female characters seem to have been miscast. None of them is remotely so cool as in the book or, for that matter, as in the Lynch version. (The Spice Girls they ain't!) Obviously no actress has ever been so cool as Siân Phillips.  But Jessica has been reduced from being an elegant and invincible matriarch to being a scowling, whingeing Karen. And Zen-dire, who plays the same character she plays in the Spider-Man films, is never so cool as she thinks she is anyway.

The Fremen, meanwhile, are "diverse". No attempt has been made to make them into a realistic race of people, or indeed to subvert expectations. Why not have a black Paul Atreides and the Fremen all blond-haired and, er, blue-eyed? It could have been interesting, at any rate.

Duncan Idaho on the other hand is cool. (Jason Momoa is cool. Duh!) So why does he have a crap death scene? (Actually that whole subplot is fairly boring and could easily have been cut, as it was in the Lynch version.)

I never noticed the Atreides' hyper-masculine homoerotic thing before. But why don't we hear Gurney Halleck sing? (Can Josh Brolin sing?)

In fact there's actually too much prophecy in the film, so that by the end of Dune: Part One we already know what's going to happen in Dune: Part Two before it's even begun filming.

And the Harkonnens' "pet"? WTF? Is Villeneuve trying to make up for the lack of Guild Navigators, not to mention heart plugs and cat-milking?

Finally, the "voice" is realised on screen just as stupidly here as in the Lynch version. And in fact there's still too much of Lynch's Dune altogether. There's no real conflict between the "liberal" materialism of the Harkonnens and the traditionalist honour of the Atreides. There's none of the book's "Ruritania in Space", which even Lynch (and George Lucas!) kept a certain amount of. And yet, sed contra, Lynch at least made the effort to explain all sorts of things, such as the Mentats, and indeed why the spice is so valuable. This is crucial plot background that never so much as seea the light of day here. So the book's poetry has gone for a burton, but there's precious little of the book's "science" either. (Maybe there'll be more in Part Two!

The Good

The military stuff is all good, and in practice I quite enjoyed all the homoerotic hypermasculinity.

I loved the ornithopters.

All the goody male characters are actually well cast, including Duncan Idaho. Chalamet, strange but true, actually has a lot of youthful gravitas. 

Yueh is Chinese. WTF?

Hans goes Wagnerian in the final scene.

The sign language and the Fremen walk are well realised.

And whereas Lynch's worms were giant willies with giant foreskins Villeneuve's are proper trad vaginae dentatae again. Nice!

*Elizabeth Bachmann in Stranger First Things observes somewhat archly 'due to cool, blue-toned lighting, some unconvincing CGI, and the fact that the actors rarely broke a sweat, Villeneuve’s desert left me feeling rather chilly.' Touché!

Jordan Houlden

Wet, bulging - and looking like a hero!

Only one of the following countries is not using Covid passports. Can you spot it? 🧐 pic.twitter.com/HX22yTspA2

— Dr. Eli David (@DrEliDavid) November 12, 2021

Sexy Sailors

This famous photograph of two sailors kissing was originally taken in San Diego, California in 1942. It's currently owned by the notorious Kinsey* Institute.

This cropped version was used by Gran Fury's ACT UP “Read My Lips” campaign.

There is of course a perfectly sensible reason why the two young gentlemen are normally only shown from the waist up. Suffice it to say that are very much "for real" and they're very much enjoying both themselves and each other.

*Yes, it's the same Kinsey who collected that "interesting" data about prepubescent boys having multiple orgasms.

Grosse Pointe Cool

Between punk and the millennium, between T-2 and The Matrix, between the golden age of action movies and the post-9/11 rebirth of high fantasy... there was an oddly sleepy sort of time called the 1990s. Action comedy Grosse Pointe Blank very much represents the better end of that particular market. (Please don't ask what was at the other end.)

John Cusack is there. He's still pretty much got it. In fact he's as good as he ever was. And as a leftover 1980s teen heartthrob par excellence (albeit better known to "my" generation as that guy from The Grifters and Wesley Crusher's dead older brother in Stand by Me), he fits his role perfectly. He's now doing the quintessentially cool amoral 1990s thing - which is of course contract killing. (Hey! After the '80s even Bond was little more than a hitman - witness Dalton and Brosnan in Living Daylights and World is Not Enough!) And indeed 1980s top funny man Dan Ackroyd is there too, also great as ever (and even getting a throwaway Ghostbusters-type line about astral projection and telepathy).

So if you ever wondered what happened to John Hughes' kids, well, they got hip, they got cynical, they got cool... and they warmed up for Fight Club ("I don't think what a guy does for a living reflects who he really is", "You can never go home again, but you can shop there.") and (of course, "killing a lot of people"!) American Psycho. (Did mini-marts even in the '90s have Blistex and Trojan condoms on the front counter? Funny how it's always the most recent past feels the most alien!)

So Cusack plays a hitman called Martin. He wears black. His surname is 'Blank'. Get it? He's not a real person. He's a Man in Black. (This was the era of classic X-Files, remember, and before Men in Black the movie! In fact his secretary - played gloriously by Cusack's own sister - even has Scully's outfit and hairdo.) But is he also firing blanks - metaphorically in as much as he wants to quit the cool job that he's now too cool for? (I do really like Blank's office though. In those days even "old school" could still be cool!)

The actual gags though are also fired off thick and fast, and a surprising number are palpable hits. An assassin who sees a shrink was way ahead of Analyse This (and a much gentler but more incisive dig at the post-'80s "kinder, gentler" 1990s craze for counselling and "caring"*). And the one-liners are smart and daring. Greatest disappearing act since white flight? (WTF? Couldn't get away with that nowadays!) Live and Let Die on the soundtrack? Cheeky! The Story of a Mediocre Genesis? Nice!

And that Kipling quote is way, way deep!

*In reality it was little more than the boomers' moving on from their '80s physical exercise loopiness to trying to fill the spiritual void a decade later with neo-Freudian, New-Age bullshit.

Stars and Stripes?

J. Allen Hynek presents... (?)

How many "serious" sci-fi movies and TV-series about space aliens are there really?

My list goes something like this:

• The Outer Limits: 'The Bellero Shield' (1964) à Betty and Barney Hill abduction à The UFO Incident (1975)  à Travis Walton abduction à Fire in the Sky (1993)
• Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)
• E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
• Starman (1984)
• Flight of the Navigator (1986)
• UFO Abduction (1989)
• Communion (1989)
• Fire in the Sky (1993)
• The X-Files (1993-)
• Roswell (1994)
• Dark Skies (1996-7)
• The Outer Limits: 'Beyond the Veil' (1997)
• The Shadow Men (1997)
• Taken (2002)
• The Outer Limits: 'Dark Child' (2002)
• Alien Abduction (2005)
• The Fourth Kind (2009)
• Race to Witch Mountain (2009)
• Dark Skies (2013)
• Alien Abduction (2014)
• Extraterrestrial (2014)