Anglofuturism: The tropical planet Nelson is a jewel in Britain’s Galactic Empire and home to Spaceport Cromwell, a short shuttle from which lies ‘Space Club Tropical Excellent Rhodes Retreat’, an exclusive retreat where Royal Space Navy Officers unwind between deep space voyages pic.twitter.com/BdIGWMtJvM
— 🚮 ɖʀʊӄքǟ ӄʊռʟɛʏ 🇧🇹🇹🇩 (@kunley_drukpa) November 28, 2021
Sunday, November 28, 2021
Friday, November 26, 2021
Lost in Spice
The characters mumble. Not much of the book's "poetry" has survived. And in fact the film generally is altogether so artsy that a lot of it is literally too dark, too blurry, too indistinct and, quite simply, too cool.*
Conversely all the female characters seem to have been miscast. None of them is remotely so cool as in the book or, for that matter, as in the Lynch version. (The Spice Girls they ain't!) Obviously no actress has ever been so cool as Siân Phillips. But Jessica has been reduced from being an elegant and invincible matriarch to being a scowling, whingeing Karen. And Zen-dire, who plays the same character she plays in the Spider-Man films, is never so cool as she thinks she is anyway.
The Fremen, meanwhile, are "diverse". No attempt has been made to make them into a realistic race of people, or indeed to subvert expectations. Why not have a black Paul Atreides and the Fremen all blond-haired and, er, blue-eyed? It could have been interesting, at any rate.
Duncan Idaho on the other hand is cool. (Jason Momoa is cool. Duh!) So why does he have a crap death scene? (Actually that whole subplot is fairly boring and could easily have been cut, as it was in the Lynch version.)
I never noticed the Atreides' hyper-masculine homoerotic thing before. But why don't we hear Gurney Halleck sing? (Can Josh Brolin sing?)
In fact there's actually too much prophecy in the film, so that by the end of Dune: Part One we already know what's going to happen in Dune: Part Two before it's even begun filming.
And the Harkonnens' "pet"? WTF? Is Villeneuve trying to make up for the lack of Guild Navigators, not to mention heart plugs and cat-milking?
Finally, the "voice" is realised on screen just as stupidly here as in the Lynch version. And in fact there's still too much of Lynch's Dune altogether. There's no real conflict between the "liberal" materialism of the Harkonnens and the traditionalist honour of the Atreides. There's none of the book's "Ruritania in Space", which even Lynch (and George Lucas!) kept a certain amount of. And yet, sed contra, Lynch at least made the effort to explain all sorts of things, such as the Mentats, and indeed why the spice is so valuable. This is crucial plot background that never so much as seea the light of day here. So the book's poetry has gone for a burton, but there's precious little of the book's "science" either. (Maybe there'll be more in Part Two!
The Good
The military stuff is all good, and in practice I quite enjoyed all the homoerotic hypermasculinity.
I loved the ornithopters.
All the goody male characters are actually well cast, including Duncan Idaho. Chalamet, strange but true, actually has a lot of youthful gravitas.
Yueh is Chinese. WTF?
Hans goes Wagnerian in the final scene.
The sign language and the Fremen walk are well realised.
And whereas Lynch's worms were giant willies with giant foreskins Villeneuve's are proper trad vaginae dentatae again. Nice!
*Elizabeth Bachmann in Stranger First Things observes somewhat archly 'due to cool, blue-toned lighting, some unconvincing CGI, and the fact that the actors rarely broke a sweat, Villeneuve’s desert left me feeling rather chilly.' Touché!
Wednesday, November 24, 2021
Only one of the following countries is not using Covid passports. Can you spot it? 🧐 pic.twitter.com/HX22yTspA2
— Dr. Eli David (@DrEliDavid) November 12, 2021
Friday, November 19, 2021
Sexy Sailors
This famous photograph of two sailors kissing was originally taken in San Diego, California in 1942. It's currently owned by the notorious Kinsey* Institute.
This cropped version was used by Gran Fury's ACT UP “Read My Lips” campaign.
There is of course a perfectly sensible reason why the two young gentlemen are normally only shown from the waist up. Suffice it to say that are very much "for real" and they're very much enjoying both themselves and each other.
*Yes, it's the same Kinsey who collected that "interesting" data about prepubescent boys having multiple orgasms.
Wednesday, November 17, 2021
Grosse Pointe Cool
Between punk and the millennium, between T-2 and The Matrix, between the golden age of action movies and the post-9/11 rebirth of high fantasy... there was an oddly sleepy sort of time called the 1990s. Action comedy Grosse Pointe Blank very much represents the better end of that particular market. (Please don't ask what was at the other end.)
John Cusack is there. He's still pretty much got it. In fact he's as good as he ever was. And as a leftover 1980s teen heartthrob par excellence (albeit better known to "my" generation as that guy from The Grifters and Wesley Crusher's dead older brother in Stand by Me), he fits his role perfectly. He's now doing the quintessentially cool amoral 1990s thing - which is of course contract killing. (Hey! After the '80s even Bond was little more than a hitman - witness Dalton and Brosnan in Living Daylights and World is Not Enough!) And indeed 1980s top funny man Dan Ackroyd is there too, also great as ever (and even getting a throwaway Ghostbusters-type line about astral projection and telepathy).
So if you ever wondered what happened to John Hughes' kids, well, they got hip, they got cynical, they got cool... and they warmed up for Fight Club ("I don't think what a guy does for a living reflects who he really is", "You can never go home again, but you can shop there.") and (of course, "killing a lot of people"!) American Psycho. (Did mini-marts even in the '90s have Blistex and Trojan condoms on the front counter? Funny how it's always the most recent past feels the most alien!)
So Cusack plays a hitman called Martin. He wears black. His surname is 'Blank'. Get it? He's not a real person. He's a Man in Black. (This was the era of classic X-Files, remember, and before Men in Black the movie! In fact his secretary - played gloriously by Cusack's own sister - even has Scully's outfit and hairdo.) But is he also firing blanks - metaphorically in as much as he wants to quit the cool job that he's now too cool for? (I do really like Blank's office though. In those days even "old school" could still be cool!)
The actual gags though are also fired off thick and fast, and a surprising number are palpable hits. An assassin who sees a shrink was way ahead of Analyse This (and a much gentler but more incisive dig at the post-'80s "kinder, gentler" 1990s craze for counselling and "caring"*). And the one-liners are smart and daring. Greatest disappearing act since white flight? (WTF? Couldn't get away with that nowadays!) Live and Let Die on the soundtrack? Cheeky! The Story of a Mediocre Genesis? Nice!
And that Kipling quote is way, way deep!
*In reality it was little more than the boomers' moving on from their '80s physical exercise loopiness to trying to fill the spiritual void a decade later with neo-Freudian, New-Age bullshit.
J. Allen Hynek presents... (?)
How many "serious" sci-fi movies and TV-series about space aliens are there really?
My list goes something like this:
- The Outer Limits: 'The Bellero Shield' (1964) à Betty and Barney Hill abduction à The UFO Incident (1975) à Travis Walton abduction à Fire in the Sky (1993)
- Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)
- E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
- Starman (1984)
- Flight of the Navigator (1986)
- UFO Abduction (1989)
- Communion (1989)
- Fire in the Sky (1993)
- The X-Files (1993-)
- Roswell (1994)
- Dark Skies (1996-7)
- The Outer Limits: 'Beyond the Veil' (1997)
- The Shadow Men (1997)
- Taken (2002)
- The Outer Limits: 'Dark Child' (2002)
- Alien Abduction (2005)
- The Fourth Kind (2009)
- Race to Witch Mountain (2009)
- Dark Skies (2013)
- Alien Abduction (2014)
- Extraterrestrial (2014)
Tuesday, November 16, 2021
Whomosexuality 2: Planet of Fire
I discovered a few months ago that I'd never actually seen Planet of Fire. And if you don't mind the (literally?) smouldering homo-eroticism it's actually surprisingly good.
Peri - who with the possible honest exception of Leela is the only bona fide sexiful TARDIS girl - does literally seem to have gone to Greece on an archaeological expedition composed entirely of gay guys. I mean, "Kurt" and "Howard"? Really? And then they find an "intriguing" underwater dildo. Clearly the poor lass is recovering from a breakup and wanted to take a break from the cheerleader squad with the "safe" boys. Did Yankee passports really look like that though? Bit weird if they didn't! It's hardly adding anything to Peri's character to show that she's "well-travelled". And what sort of person leafs through her passport like that anyway? There's also something mildly problematic about the script's requiring Nicola to flounder about like a wilting violet when in actual fact she clearly is absolutely fit as a fiddle.
Turlough meanwhile has never been camper. "Doctor, you're showing off!" But his indignant "Earthlings!" when he sees Peri pretending to drown does seem to suggest a lingering taste for heterosexuality - except that he does also wear budgie-smugglers under his hot short shorts. (You know - just in case!) Actually why is Strickson still playing Turlough as camp and weird and nerdy? (Does one have to ask?) Surely by this time Turlough should be one of the good guys? "If you're holding back anything that might help the Master, our friendship is at an end. I know we only became friends in the first place because you were trying to kill me, but I do have limits." (One is reminded though that back in the 1980s a macho hero's "brother" could just as easily be his boyfriend IRL.)
Peter Davison does at least keep the Doctor in character - a glass of water and absent-mindedly paying with alien currency is oddly true to form even for his most "normal" of Doctors. Later on we even get the half-moon specs back again. Yes, I know it was the youngest actor at the time to play the part over-compensating, but surely kooky uncool fogeydom - as with Matt Smith's tweeds and bow-ties - is part and parcel of what the Doctor and Doctor Who are all about? And surely only a Time Lord could get away with a waistcoat like that on holiday!
Peter Wyngarde meanwhile ought by rights to be an object lesson in why you shouldn't have "proper" actors in Doctor Who. (In the apocryphal but immortal words of Lord Olivier, "I'm too fucking grand.") But in fact he goes to show how a competent actor can make a sound concept work even in the most unpromising of productions. Yes, there's a real problem that unless you listen to the dialogue (duh!) there's no obvious distinction between Sarn and Earth. (They both look like Lanzarote.) But in truth most of the time the special effects are used sparingly enough for them to have held up over the years. (Admittedly the running around stuff with the miniature Master would work better with Kay Harker in The Box of Delights later that year.)
Then of course there's the plot! Logar = Loki, as in the Norse god of fire? Nice! ("What does he look like, this fire-lord? I mean, what does he look like naked?") And the first non-sexy female in the entire story is literally a sceptic Karen. (I wonder how this will work out...) Of course by this time Doctor Who was in its twenty-first year, so for any long-term viewer there would by now have been a teeny growing sense of been there, done that. Sarn? Sounds like Karn! Is that life-giving sacred flame not just a little bit too familiar? The whole "the Doctor comes from <insert deity's name here>" has been a thing in Doctor Who since literally the Stone Age in literally the series' first serial. And of course there's something fundamentally silly about science-fiction encouraging scepticism about "organised religion" - as if a genre that permits space wizards and time travel can really have a problem with a straightforward philosophical proposition like the existence of God.
Alas, by the time Turlough reveals that he's deposed ancien regime in exile (very cool - albeit second generation!) it feels a bit late in the day to do anything "interesting" with the character. And the very eccentric solicitor on Chancery Lane sounds like a genuine piece of Doctor Who whimsy. So why didn't we hear more about him ever? (Presumably he was the one who got young Master Turlough packed off to Brendon in the first place!) Mind you, the people of Trion do use Arabic numerals, and they send their exiled princelings to English public schools. Wouldn't you say that's quite eccentric?
Thursday, September 16, 2021
(a) Looks like a panicky response to the Afghanistan debacle!
— Man in Black (@AlekHidell1963) September 16, 2021
(b) Are the Canucks and the Kiwis being frozen out of Five Eyes because they both currently have Far-Left governments, so even Biden's people don't trust them at the moment?
(c) The EU? "Seriously"? (🇪🇺 = 🤡🤡🤡) https://t.co/0RDt17y1iK
Monday, August 23, 2021
Monday, August 16, 2021
Wednesday, August 11, 2021
Happy and Glorious (2012)
Tuesday, August 10, 2021
Is The Happiness Patrol really so bad as one remembers?
Or rather, perhaps, imagines that one remembers?
The whacky central idea is actually so whacky it has a surprising amount going for it. The lesbo feminists of the future have taken over, they're carrying out a vigorously efficient programme of "population control", and they are forcing everyone to wear pink and to be happy - on pain of death. So one can ignore the heavy-handed anti-Thatcherite "satire" (which had been done better by dear old Lenny Henry - the best black Doctor we still haven't had) and indeed the general air of gay misogyny that permeated much of Sly McCoy's era. (Whether they were aiming at Mrs T. herself or - closer to home, so to speak - at the likes of Mary Whitehouse, it is on reflection disturbing how many villainous, middle class "older" white women featured in old-rite Who's last three seasons. Disturbing, that is to say and, after the Rani and the Rezzies and Morgaine and Miss Hardaker, more than just a little monotonous!*)
Unfortunately though it does still all feel as if it's been done before. By the time we got to Dragonfire of course Doctor Who had gone straight through the post-modernism looking-glass and out the other side, so the space amazons themselves certainly weren't a problem. Back in the 1960s they'd have been a lazy cliché (as they almost were in the unmade Patrick Troughton story The Prison in Space): by the late 1980s though they were more of a knowing dig. And dystopian societies where it was frowned upon to look unhappy had been done in well remembered TV-series like The Prisoner and of course Doctor Who's own The Macra Terror. And post-modern lines like 'It's tasteless, smug, and, worst of all, it's badly constructed. I mean, who writes that stuff?' even feel vaguely old hat by now. And all-in-all it does just feel too much like Paradise Towers. The macabre surrealism has been turned up to 11 (and the Kandy Man is actually a verifiably iconic monster), but even brief moments of Fritz Lang-inspired horror noir can't quite touch the mind-spinning inventiveness of Dramarama's two anti-Thatcher TV plays 'A Young Person's Guide to Getting Their Ball Back' (1983), which of course featured our own dear Patrick Troughton in a supporting role, and 'A Young Person's Guide to Going Backwards in the World' (1985).
In fact the one really, really big problem with The Happiness Patrol is that it is quite simply not very good. It's not entirely clear whether the low-budget, whimsical, satirical tone of much of Season 24 really worked. Personally I'm quite happy with it, looking back: Time and the Rani is significantly better than people think it was (if you don't mind the ludicrous "science"), Delta and the Bannermen is cluttered and disjointed but also strangely haunting, and Dragonfire (once you get the joke) is genuinely funny and charming. And even Paradise Towers can be excused as a brave attempt to do something "interesting" (i.e. Doctor Who's version of J G Ballard's High Rise - and as such an unusual excursion for the show into actual "hard" literary science fiction!). At the same time though none of them is perfect, of course. We still get baddies without backgrounds or motivations - the Chief Caretaker and Gavrok especially! Minor characters are slaughtered en masse (in Delta and Dragonfire) with barely a blink of an eye. (The inclusion of a funeral scene - one of surprisingly few in Doctor Who - at the end of the Dalek story may have been an attempt to rectify that.) And there's an awful sense in which the "change of tone" that had been demanded for The Trial of a Time Lord (with Bonnie!) reaches its ne plus ultra here (with Richard Briers and effing Ken Dodd!). When Ben Aaronovitch then did a proper story set in the real world with actual "interesting" characters we surely hoped that we'd left surrealism behind.
So going back to all the silliness of the last season with The Happiness Patrol really was particularly traumatic - the shit sets, the shit performances, the shit plotting (with the Doctor's "escaping" on a go-cart† making the teeny-weeny quadbike in The Day of the Daleks seem positively credible by comparison, with his getting the drop on the supposedly terrifying Kandy Man in exactly the same way twice, and with Ace escaping and getting recaptured off screen with no explanation whatsoever), and of course dialogue so shit that it claims to be post-modern. Does the Doctor make an anti-war speech? If he does it's certainly not so memorable as Jon Pertwee's quietly wise words at the end of The Planet of the Daleks - but then perhaps that's partly because Pertwee had actually fought in a real war whereas the most dangerous thing Sylv had ever done was stick a ferret down his trousers.
No, The Happiness Patrol really has almost nothing to recommend it, and it well deserves its consistently abysmal rating. The premise is terrible, the acting is terrible, the execution is terrible. And the "satire" (such as it is!††)? That's terrible as well.
*In fact one might almost wonder about some of the young male writers' relationships with their mothers, given quite how much they all seemed to detest dominant females. But there we go!†Odd that even after they'd got rid of the sonic screwdriver in the early '80s the Baker and McCoy Doctors still managed to make do without it!
Monday, August 9, 2021
Patriotic and Sexiful
The term "sexiful", oddly enough, is from one of my favourite Bond moments, in You Only Live Twice - even though the reason I remembered the scene when I was a kid was more because it featured 007 and his oriental chum swimming nekkid than because of the girls.
Tuesday, June 29, 2021
On this day in 1944, an experimental Nazi V-2 rocket reaches an altitude of 176 km, becoming the first man-made object to reach outer space. The German rocket technology would be crucial for the post-war Soviet and American space program. Crucial for the Cold War as well. pic.twitter.com/KFsg6LleyI
— Klaas Meijer (@klaasm67) June 20, 2021
Friday, March 12, 2021
Wednesday, February 17, 2021
Whomosexuality
John Nathan-Turner took over Doctor Who in the 1980s, he made it much too gay much too quickly, he alienated the kiddies (and, more to the point, their parents) and, over a period of about ten years, he squeezed the life out of it completely.
Tuesday, February 16, 2021
Twelfth Night
I'm sure we all have our personal "strangest thing about the last four years" - as if it wasn't strange enough to have a literal gameshow host as President of the United States (following on, it has to be said, from the son of the last President but one in the year 2000 and then, in 2008, a turd in a suit). To my mind, looking back, the weirdest political development in my own life was that the best political analysis I could get suddenly seemed to be coming from Pat Buchanan.
Well perhaps no longer! In reaching its apogee and/or nadir (depending on your political tastes) of its glory/horror on the Feast of the Epiphany this year, the Trump tenure at the White House suddenly seemed to shift back into normal focus. Pat Buchanan's somewhat hysterical take on the Trump "insurrection" is here. Mark Steyn's wryly cynical but spot-on analysis, on the other hand, is here.
So was this really another "color revolution" or not? Because clearly that was the idea, not so long ago. Trump was going to try to cling on to office and then be chased out of the White House by a surprisingly well organised "spontaneous" mob of Antifa, BLM and other, er, "colored" people. The American secret state and its various "civil society" offshoots have been doing this sort of thing all over the world for years. In 2020 they were just going to bring that magic home.
In the event, of course, it wasn't quite like that. Trump and his people wised up very early on, the election proved much trickier to rig than was thought (though not impossible, apparently!), Trump made it clear that he would be out in time for his opponent to take up occupancy but would not stop protesting that he'd been robbed, and then the mob that ended up storming Washington turned out to be his one, not that of the "revolution".
Interesting then that Juan Guaidó, the intended beneficiary of the Deep State's most recent "democratic revolution", which was supposed to happen in Caracas, has himself condemned the Trumpists' counter coup de theatre!
El ataque al Capitolio 🇺🇸 es a la democracia. Mis pensamientos con sus ciudadanos y funcionarios que sienten atacada la raíz de su país
— Juan Guaidó (@jguaido) January 6, 2021
La fortaleza de la democracia radica en la solidez e independencia institucional, en el vigor de su entramado social y la consciencia ciudadana
Which, as RT has pointed out, is a bit rich given some of the dodgy shit he's pulled over the years. And yet there he is on Twitter, lining up with the rest of the Pax Americana's slimy quislings to condemn exactly the sort of behaviour that he and his supporters have themselves been guilty of purely because this time it was the other side doing it.